I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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