i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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