i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize