I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
