i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
