he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
