I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You're completely useless in the revolution.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
