At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
