I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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