those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
