the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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