I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
