Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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