and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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