I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
