I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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