Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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