I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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