what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
