His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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