Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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