That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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