Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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