she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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