I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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