There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
