i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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