"it" just moved
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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