i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
