If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
