Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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