I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
