Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
