Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
