I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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