She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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