omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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