I got chris browned last night
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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