I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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