So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do vagina's smell?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
