Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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