I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
