tell your sister to shave her snatch
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
