Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
