So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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