oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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