It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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