This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
