you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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