When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
