census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just gargled with NyQuil
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
