Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
