i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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