Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
