It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
