Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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