Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Semen is not good for contacts.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My liver just had a heart attack.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Randomize
