Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
