He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she told me i tasted like america
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
