This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
