I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
