you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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