Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
