I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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