found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
