So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i dont even know how to be here
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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