Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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