so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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