Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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