so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my shit smells like andre
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
