Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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